Unreliable truth!

This constant search for yourself has left you, obviously, wondering painfully all the time about who you are, and how your actions describe you. This burden it feels like you can't get out. Not that you'd know where out is, or what it could bring for you, nor do you know what it is you're running from or even if it is a good idea to run.

You feel tied down, too tired, lacking energy to actually do something, whatever that something is. Blocked. But by what? By whom? Is this solitude you've brought upon yourself the path to you becoming a better monster, or is it the shortest way to becoming just another insane person out there.

Accepting yourself doesn't seem to work, does it? Because you're not really believing it. It's still somewhere between fiction, truth and satisfying certain urges you've felt all your life, even before your true nature has been revealed. As long as you believe in you, torments will stop. But can you accept the evil? Can you embrace the despair? Can you really be the monster you were meant to be?

Believe!

Family!

You have no family. You've been all alone since the day you realized who you are, what you are. They have been around in your early life, but it's almost sure that they only made it more clear how different you are from most of the rest of the world. They had no real meaning to your real self, further then a sense of continuous competition between normality and abnormality.

In your case the genetics you own give you a better chance of being the proper parent for your children. Only another monster would be eligible for nurturing such an offspring, an offspring that would certainly share some of your inhuman traits. Not burden by beginning its life in solitude and confusion your children will be even greater than you are, capable of reaching levels of mastery incomprehensible to you.

Ultimately, that is your mission. To be the source of an even greater evil, a purer evil. As pure evil does not feed among common people, it doesn't feed on individual souls one by one, but takes on many at once. More discrete, more elaborate, and more destructive for sure.

Create!

Silence!

Being so full of your own stuff right now to figure out you find yourself in a communication dilemma. Either whatever comes out of your mouth is even more self absorbed than usual, either you are deemed the most apathetic person in the room.

Yet your silence doesn't come from lack of skill but from lack of sense. Losing your touch with reality translates itself the fastest into silence. Not being able to express your interest towards basically nothing. Even if the interest is there, numbness has set in long before conscience did. And it's not only the inability to feel actual feelings, now it's the inability to relate to anything whatsoever.

Basic psychoanalysis would deem you a psychopath without thinking twice. You know that the truth isn't that far off. Clinging to the illusion that any normal behavior will ever be natural to you, silence works better then anything else, for the simple reason that it stops you from breaking down in the middle of the freaking parties. Find yourself quick, or you'll no longer be able to speak.

Scream!