One more of the many bullets coming your way will not get you down. It will set you yet a little more back in your path to actual redemption. Forgeting your true nature you started seeking redemption for yourself. The inner monster is still quite alive but beaten back to a corner. Nothing can get him away though. It will stay there forever. Or, as you've come to think, until the long awaited redemption. Redemption which you've thought about even until you realized what you are. No purpose in searching for it now, unless it can be real.
Your wait in itself must not be a total halt from being a monster. Go about things the usual way, your purpose now is clearer, even if its a pervertion of the meaning of your existance. Only by being the same monster you've grown into lately you will become what SHE wants. Your own monster. The one who is perfectly balanced between monster and fairy, the only one so perfect she can change you. Forever. Or, at least, for once more. Not that there will be anything left of you if she goes away again. There isn't much left right now, let alone after a second coming.
Then again, you have done this two. You've been so many times perfection for somebody. Even if they saw the monster they sought balance. In the wrong place. There is no balance in you. At best, you may dream about clensing. The way her perfection will work for you is simple. You will no longer need anything else. You won't long for the taste of blood, of torn souls and tears. Everything that has driven you will go away in an instant. As it will come back, this time for good, if you let her get away the second time.
In the mean time keep biting bullets. And hearts.
Dream!
06/05/2008
06/04/2008
No peace!
All the good that came your way has always been just like that, one way. Being the monster you are has it's quirks. Most important, you are free, without walls, without fences, with nothing else but your life and everything you make of it. There is nothing outside you and what you can create out of your own universe.
It does come with a price though. Ever tormented, you will never have peace. They ask you why can't you be relaxed. Relaxation, although simpler to attain then peace itself is actually quite rare. Because there will be no relaxation without peace. It can turn out the other way around, but no peace means no rest, no joy, no reason. And there are times, fewer or more, depending on latest happenings, when being a monster is not reason enough.
Unholy mission as it is, being a monster does not fill every inch of you. There's always a hole. A crack in the armor, creeping up on you, making itself larger as chipped glass turning slowly into broken glass and then into sand and oblivion. All that awaits you is oblivion. May it be in the deepest corners of hell where you belong or above where there is no real, definite place for you.
No peace and no place equals an unrest far more tormenting then the torture you give to others. This is exactly the reservoir of your search. Constantly trying to create torture heavier than your own, by making yourself feel a bit better, while making others feel a lot worse. Yet nothing can surpass your pain. Peace is the only thing you will never get, no matter how close you feel you've come to it. And without peace you will never really be.
Stop!
It does come with a price though. Ever tormented, you will never have peace. They ask you why can't you be relaxed. Relaxation, although simpler to attain then peace itself is actually quite rare. Because there will be no relaxation without peace. It can turn out the other way around, but no peace means no rest, no joy, no reason. And there are times, fewer or more, depending on latest happenings, when being a monster is not reason enough.
Unholy mission as it is, being a monster does not fill every inch of you. There's always a hole. A crack in the armor, creeping up on you, making itself larger as chipped glass turning slowly into broken glass and then into sand and oblivion. All that awaits you is oblivion. May it be in the deepest corners of hell where you belong or above where there is no real, definite place for you.
No peace and no place equals an unrest far more tormenting then the torture you give to others. This is exactly the reservoir of your search. Constantly trying to create torture heavier than your own, by making yourself feel a bit better, while making others feel a lot worse. Yet nothing can surpass your pain. Peace is the only thing you will never get, no matter how close you feel you've come to it. And without peace you will never really be.
Stop!
24/03/2008
Hurricane!
You are just like a hurricane. People can be divided in several categories depending on their reaction to you just the same as they can be divided depending on their reaction to hurricanes.
There are those who panic and flee out of your way screaming their guts out and not ever looking behind. They, eventually, will turn into another category, even happier, the ones who don't know and don't care of your existence. Not hard to believe as you, just like a hurricane, are a localized disaster. There two are the unhurt. The ones who get away or are away.
Then, there are the announcers. The hurricane is coming, they say, and they say that from a very safe spot, as they let all the rest panic. These are the cowards. If they meet you they will not talk to you, they will not make eye contact, but, instead, they will be the first to have an opinion if ever you're the topic. They should be put down when you get the chance. They should be turned into the terrified. The ones who try to forget you exist, that despise you and will cross the street years from now if they have their little children beside.
The victims. Or the unlucky. The ones who didn't have time to run or didn't know they should. They do not exist anymore. Or they do, but there is nothing left for them. No life, no hope, just despair. The fairies destroyed. The new monsters. Little storms growing, feeding to become bigger.
And there are the hunters. Not actual hunters, but chasers. Storm chasers. The ones who ask for it. The ones who are so hopelessly attracted to the monster they don't do anything else their whole life. To their even bigger despair they don't really ever catch the monster so they become more insane with every chase. With every struggle.
And there's you. The power of nature that you are. Not really caring about any of them, but looking for the storm big enough to allow you to become a whole. THE Storm. The grandmother of all storms, the one that will bring so much destruction no other storm will come after it. Storms start of with a butterfly batting its wings. There will be no more butterflies. Only you two.
Fly!
There are those who panic and flee out of your way screaming their guts out and not ever looking behind. They, eventually, will turn into another category, even happier, the ones who don't know and don't care of your existence. Not hard to believe as you, just like a hurricane, are a localized disaster. There two are the unhurt. The ones who get away or are away.
Then, there are the announcers. The hurricane is coming, they say, and they say that from a very safe spot, as they let all the rest panic. These are the cowards. If they meet you they will not talk to you, they will not make eye contact, but, instead, they will be the first to have an opinion if ever you're the topic. They should be put down when you get the chance. They should be turned into the terrified. The ones who try to forget you exist, that despise you and will cross the street years from now if they have their little children beside.
The victims. Or the unlucky. The ones who didn't have time to run or didn't know they should. They do not exist anymore. Or they do, but there is nothing left for them. No life, no hope, just despair. The fairies destroyed. The new monsters. Little storms growing, feeding to become bigger.
And there are the hunters. Not actual hunters, but chasers. Storm chasers. The ones who ask for it. The ones who are so hopelessly attracted to the monster they don't do anything else their whole life. To their even bigger despair they don't really ever catch the monster so they become more insane with every chase. With every struggle.
And there's you. The power of nature that you are. Not really caring about any of them, but looking for the storm big enough to allow you to become a whole. THE Storm. The grandmother of all storms, the one that will bring so much destruction no other storm will come after it. Storms start of with a butterfly batting its wings. There will be no more butterflies. Only you two.
Fly!
20/03/2008
Better man!
The thing about monsters, and you, is that, while being a monster to people that don't raise any feelings in that rock-of-a-heart you have, you will be completely moronic when somebody manages to make you feel alive. Which, by itself, is good news if you are not too far deep into your own monstrosity.
As you are sure that you are not yet completely perverted, some part of you clings to the human being pieces still left wandering around mindless in your soul. And when everything else goes away, or you trick yourself into believing that, it feels as good as it can, considering that in fact, you're hurting like hell. But, you enjoy it. You're happy that it hurts. IT MEANS YOU CAN STILL FEEL SOMETHING!
Actually it doesnt. It only means that you still have the ability to lie to yourself as well as you do to others. Why in hell's sacred name would you be so moronic, once again, and believe that things will finally be different. Bullshit. They wont. You will fall in love and out of it. Sooner or later. And as your life went lately it would be for your own good to fall out sooner than later. If not, you are pissing away too much hard work. And, in the end, you will not be able to get to either side. You'll be left in the middle, wandering what the hell went wrong and when did you turn 40.
Still. Allow yourself to grow through this pain. Not becoming a better man isn't a bad thing. Knowledge will go both ways. Your light side will grow, for a while, your dark one will be even darker in the long term.
Enjoy!
As you are sure that you are not yet completely perverted, some part of you clings to the human being pieces still left wandering around mindless in your soul. And when everything else goes away, or you trick yourself into believing that, it feels as good as it can, considering that in fact, you're hurting like hell. But, you enjoy it. You're happy that it hurts. IT MEANS YOU CAN STILL FEEL SOMETHING!
Actually it doesnt. It only means that you still have the ability to lie to yourself as well as you do to others. Why in hell's sacred name would you be so moronic, once again, and believe that things will finally be different. Bullshit. They wont. You will fall in love and out of it. Sooner or later. And as your life went lately it would be for your own good to fall out sooner than later. If not, you are pissing away too much hard work. And, in the end, you will not be able to get to either side. You'll be left in the middle, wandering what the hell went wrong and when did you turn 40.
Still. Allow yourself to grow through this pain. Not becoming a better man isn't a bad thing. Knowledge will go both ways. Your light side will grow, for a while, your dark one will be even darker in the long term.
Enjoy!
14/03/2008
Walking!
Constantly walking. Walking away, walking into, walking-for-the-sake-of-walking, walking out, walking in, walking on, walking-just-to-stop-staying-in-one-place. Quite easy if you think of it, bcause there is nothing behind you. ALmost nothing. Some memories stay alive, but no recollection whatsoever about feeling anythin will come. The emptynes that allows you to walk for miles and miles is, as yet, something to appreciate.
Staying in one place, is, after all, one of the worse things that can happen to you. Fear of stagnation drives you faster and faster as you age. As other beings come to agree that it's easier to stay in one place, or settle down as they like to say, you are even less capable of anything like that now than you were two years ago.
Running does not suit you, as it is too consuming, and pointless. You do not run. They do. You walk. Steadily. Serene. Like a Cadillac. Noble, arrogant, piercing everything with your fiend yes.
Walk!
Staying in one place, is, after all, one of the worse things that can happen to you. Fear of stagnation drives you faster and faster as you age. As other beings come to agree that it's easier to stay in one place, or settle down as they like to say, you are even less capable of anything like that now than you were two years ago.
Running does not suit you, as it is too consuming, and pointless. You do not run. They do. You walk. Steadily. Serene. Like a Cadillac. Noble, arrogant, piercing everything with your fiend yes.
Walk!
11/03/2008
Chimaera
Chimaeras. Totally different species of monsters. One of the few who can actually turn you upside down. They appear, obviously when least expected, and you can probably bet on not evre seeing them again. That will not stop you from hunting the last one you came upon.
The hunt will not be easy, as, most of the times you will not have at least one lead as to were you should start looking. If you do, consider yourself lucky. The mere knowledge of a small detail about her will help you find her. Trust your intuition, your senses, becoz, if you do that, all your magical senses will start working. Senses that you usually dont need, manipulation skills are quite enough to get you through the day.
A lot more monstrous in the old times, chimaeras, as your own kind, have evolved into weaker, human-like creatures, preserving quite few of their magic and force. Once more powerfull than most evil creatures walking the earth, they become almost shy. The worse thing about chimaeras is that they see you as the monster you are. Being under a powerfull curse for a long time, anything that links them to their real heritage can be quite painfull. So, if, be any chance, you find your chimaera, be carefull, she will run like hell. But do not lose her. As far as monsters go, this may be the perfect fit.
Sense!
The hunt will not be easy, as, most of the times you will not have at least one lead as to were you should start looking. If you do, consider yourself lucky. The mere knowledge of a small detail about her will help you find her. Trust your intuition, your senses, becoz, if you do that, all your magical senses will start working. Senses that you usually dont need, manipulation skills are quite enough to get you through the day.
A lot more monstrous in the old times, chimaeras, as your own kind, have evolved into weaker, human-like creatures, preserving quite few of their magic and force. Once more powerfull than most evil creatures walking the earth, they become almost shy. The worse thing about chimaeras is that they see you as the monster you are. Being under a powerfull curse for a long time, anything that links them to their real heritage can be quite painfull. So, if, be any chance, you find your chimaera, be carefull, she will run like hell. But do not lose her. As far as monsters go, this may be the perfect fit.
Sense!
09/03/2008
Pain!
The problem with embracing who you are is that it's going to make you less creative. Being tormented is a lot better at making you creative. There is no other fuel better than pain. Your own pain. Your ridiculously efficient yet small conscience. It has a way to torment you even if you are not even feeling actual guilt.
Defeating it will destroy your creativeness, becoz, after all, you are so perfectly happy with yourself. YOU'RE SLACKING! PICK IT UP! Nothing more wrong than self-confidence. Its a disaster, you will never be the same again. You should probably create yourself a door to your human, pathetic side. Set than human side with a unachievable love story. Your human pathetic side is like a carcass for your evil side. If it's hurting like hell, than you will have the taste of pain running into your evil soul. Nothing else will do the trick.
Set new goals every once in while. The batteries need to be renewed. New pain is always better than old pain. As the old pain, being old, is dying. Healing. Yuck. The sanity of the mind and peace of the heart are the worst things that can happen to you. It may come eventually, but you are still young, you should not defect your mission. Do not forget that pain is your only goal and reason to exist. Without it, this existence will be over for you, never-being-able to come back. Evil is for life, but your life may end. Physically, or inside. Dying inside is actually a lot more probable than actual dying. A lot of young monsters die very soon, merely 2 or 3 years old as monsters. And let's not talk about all those married-their-high-school-sweetheart drop-outs. They didnt even come to monster school, they are simple.
You don want to become someone like that! You are better, sorry, worse than then. You are evil walking amongst them. Mortals, lesser beings lacking purpose. Lacking will. Lacking choice.
Choose right! Sorry, wrong!
Defeating it will destroy your creativeness, becoz, after all, you are so perfectly happy with yourself. YOU'RE SLACKING! PICK IT UP! Nothing more wrong than self-confidence. Its a disaster, you will never be the same again. You should probably create yourself a door to your human, pathetic side. Set than human side with a unachievable love story. Your human pathetic side is like a carcass for your evil side. If it's hurting like hell, than you will have the taste of pain running into your evil soul. Nothing else will do the trick.
Set new goals every once in while. The batteries need to be renewed. New pain is always better than old pain. As the old pain, being old, is dying. Healing. Yuck. The sanity of the mind and peace of the heart are the worst things that can happen to you. It may come eventually, but you are still young, you should not defect your mission. Do not forget that pain is your only goal and reason to exist. Without it, this existence will be over for you, never-being-able to come back. Evil is for life, but your life may end. Physically, or inside. Dying inside is actually a lot more probable than actual dying. A lot of young monsters die very soon, merely 2 or 3 years old as monsters. And let's not talk about all those married-their-high-school-sweetheart drop-outs. They didnt even come to monster school, they are simple.
You don want to become someone like that! You are better, sorry, worse than then. You are evil walking amongst them. Mortals, lesser beings lacking purpose. Lacking will. Lacking choice.
Choose right! Sorry, wrong!
25/02/2008
Decadence
Buttons never come up again. Push the self-destruct button and it will stay like that. There is not enough sense and will in humans or monsters alike to stop the sequence. There can only by your own monster, coming out from where least expected. If you're lucky, strong, oh, and lucky there will be strength inside. Being a monster does not mean you can become a ghoul for simple efficiency reasons. You need be on top your game to get game.
Don't push self-destruct. Nothing will ever be the same. You will not be the same. Several pushes ago you didn't feel the pain. It grows with every time. Until it will crush you beneath it rendering you helpless. You're only allowed to be addicted to lust and blood. Nothing else is allowed. Decadence is your purpose, not your way of living.
Tempting as it is, decadence is a trick. Because you are not the only monster on the planet. Because monsters, after getting bored of tormenting human beings, start feeding on weaker monsters. It is a continuous fight to be the last one standing. The old and very powerful won't hurt you unless you cross them, you're to insignificant for them yet. But average demons will always try to cheat and steal more souls at once by getting yours.
Beware!
Don't push self-destruct. Nothing will ever be the same. You will not be the same. Several pushes ago you didn't feel the pain. It grows with every time. Until it will crush you beneath it rendering you helpless. You're only allowed to be addicted to lust and blood. Nothing else is allowed. Decadence is your purpose, not your way of living.
Tempting as it is, decadence is a trick. Because you are not the only monster on the planet. Because monsters, after getting bored of tormenting human beings, start feeding on weaker monsters. It is a continuous fight to be the last one standing. The old and very powerful won't hurt you unless you cross them, you're to insignificant for them yet. But average demons will always try to cheat and steal more souls at once by getting yours.
Beware!
20/02/2008
No future!
There is no other story than this. Arrogant, self-centered, terribilistic, uncommon, unreal, unwanted, undesirable, with no other connection to real life than your own utopia. The utopia that your shit is something else than actual shit. Being on the right track to being a self-adored wreck does make things easier. It does not make them go away.
Unless you stop. Stop thinking about anything else but yourslef. Arrogant or not as it may be, having only one thing in front you, yourself, will get you through the day. It will not, however tell you anything about the day after tomorrow. No story will actually be told, but some lines will come up once every 10 breaths.
You will not become nothing more than you are right now unless you switch to storytelling that matters, to you or someone else. Not that the story should have omeone else in the center. The mirage of the easygoing monster life will still be your main energy creator. It will be your creation. It will be your start and your stop. Two close between one to the other but everything you will ever need.
Writing your story will not be easy, or fast. Wrting your story, day by day will not be done unless you know what comes next. Wich, unfortunately, is the only knowledge forbidden to you right know. Tormenting past, confusing present, no future. That is your story right know.
Create!
Unless you stop. Stop thinking about anything else but yourslef. Arrogant or not as it may be, having only one thing in front you, yourself, will get you through the day. It will not, however tell you anything about the day after tomorrow. No story will actually be told, but some lines will come up once every 10 breaths.
You will not become nothing more than you are right now unless you switch to storytelling that matters, to you or someone else. Not that the story should have omeone else in the center. The mirage of the easygoing monster life will still be your main energy creator. It will be your creation. It will be your start and your stop. Two close between one to the other but everything you will ever need.
Writing your story will not be easy, or fast. Wrting your story, day by day will not be done unless you know what comes next. Wich, unfortunately, is the only knowledge forbidden to you right know. Tormenting past, confusing present, no future. That is your story right know.
Create!
17/02/2008
Your choice
There is something interesting about free will. It's widely recognized as the greatest thing on earth yet most people dont even meet the occasion to exercise their free will over their entire lives. The secret is that there is no such thing as a free will, but the only the will of the powerful.
Yes, your common Joe will be able to make decisions for himself, but choosing between vodka and gin isnt quite a life changer. There is quite few out there with real free will. You are one of them. The power you have gives you right over your free will, and the born taste of manipulation over others.
You'd say that there is no thing worse to a fairy than finding out her beloved monster-in-need-of-healing is doing another fairy behind her, and her back. She will get up and leave, but she will not actually get to the door. She will CHOOSE to stay.
Thank human kind once again for creating the technological and moral conditions for you to conduct your evil mission. If not for the hold the idea of free will has over most people's minds, your job will be a lot harder. They choose to stay. They choose to get hurt. They choose to love the last being on earth that would deserve that. And while everything they do is immensely stupid, they will be happy about it, because it was their own choice. But who's idea was it?
Command!
Yes, your common Joe will be able to make decisions for himself, but choosing between vodka and gin isnt quite a life changer. There is quite few out there with real free will. You are one of them. The power you have gives you right over your free will, and the born taste of manipulation over others.
You'd say that there is no thing worse to a fairy than finding out her beloved monster-in-need-of-healing is doing another fairy behind her, and her back. She will get up and leave, but she will not actually get to the door. She will CHOOSE to stay.
Thank human kind once again for creating the technological and moral conditions for you to conduct your evil mission. If not for the hold the idea of free will has over most people's minds, your job will be a lot harder. They choose to stay. They choose to get hurt. They choose to love the last being on earth that would deserve that. And while everything they do is immensely stupid, they will be happy about it, because it was their own choice. But who's idea was it?
Command!
16/02/2008
The prize
Be good at what you do during the day. It will make your chances of growing armies of new monsters a lot better. The more advantages you have over other two-legged beings on this planet, the more groveling idiots and mesmerized danzels in distress will you attract.
The better you are at what you do, the means of turning the balance to your side become more sophisticated, and grow in number. Eventually, becoming rich and famous will get you the recognition you need from below.
Because there is a prize. Immortality on and under earth. The joy of riding the same roller coaster of decadence over and over again. Throughout ages, evolution to new ways invented by man to torture one another. An immortality of being better then everyone else. Of being the monster.
Live!
The better you are at what you do, the means of turning the balance to your side become more sophisticated, and grow in number. Eventually, becoming rich and famous will get you the recognition you need from below.
Because there is a prize. Immortality on and under earth. The joy of riding the same roller coaster of decadence over and over again. Throughout ages, evolution to new ways invented by man to torture one another. An immortality of being better then everyone else. Of being the monster.
Live!
13/02/2008
Truth
Humans have invented, during the years, a bundle of idiotic holidays... Not this one. This one we created ourselves. It is actually quite funny that the idiots dubbed Valentine a saint. Fallen angel, like may others, he was one of the last emerging Incubi to be thrown out of heaven. And his decay was also the rise of a glorious demon. The first incubus who walked the earth to be made holy by the catholic church.
Ingenious as he was he invented the most effective torture known to man, marriage. Millions of people, throughout history, have had their dreams shattered because of some engagement they had to fulfill. Most stories written in human literature are about the despair brought on by unwanted marriage or love unfulfilled. No other institution has done more harm to human beings, other than church itself.
Valentine himself, the most famous incubus ever alive, was killed by the church in the end, but not for being a demon, but for, allegedly, doing too much good. No one had imagined that what he had unleashed was merciless to the extent it is now.
Now every naive celebration of our ancestor is yet another occasion for the armies of despair to do their deeds. No other day brings more souls to eternal damnation, or gets more monsters created. Would you be my Valentine they say, having no idea what plea for sin it is. Conjuring the name of the great one only gives power to every demon out there. And, thank pain, they say it a lot.
Rejoice!
Ingenious as he was he invented the most effective torture known to man, marriage. Millions of people, throughout history, have had their dreams shattered because of some engagement they had to fulfill. Most stories written in human literature are about the despair brought on by unwanted marriage or love unfulfilled. No other institution has done more harm to human beings, other than church itself.
Valentine himself, the most famous incubus ever alive, was killed by the church in the end, but not for being a demon, but for, allegedly, doing too much good. No one had imagined that what he had unleashed was merciless to the extent it is now.
Now every naive celebration of our ancestor is yet another occasion for the armies of despair to do their deeds. No other day brings more souls to eternal damnation, or gets more monsters created. Would you be my Valentine they say, having no idea what plea for sin it is. Conjuring the name of the great one only gives power to every demon out there. And, thank pain, they say it a lot.
Rejoice!
Genesis
You are the offspring of a demon and a human, a cambion. None of our biological parents have any knowledge of this, but if about the time of your conception, or related to your conception, one of your parents became extremely ill, it could be a clue to your real heritage. It does not mean you cannot be perfectly human, but it would be quite sad to let all that evil go to waste.
You will never know your real parents, as they will never have a corporeal form in this world. But because you have the gift of wearing a body, you should make them proud. There is only one thing worst than pathetic humans and that's pathetic demons. The ones who do not use their power as they are either too scared, either too brain-washed by society by the time they find out what they are.
They will suffer greatly as probably they will go the heaven but feel forever uneasy as, once there, surrounded by all that good, they will realize their true nature. Not that hell will make you feel any better, but it will give you a sense of being in place.
Nothing to worry about, torture in hell is only for humans, you already are a demon, your soul, whatever is still left of it, is already tormented. And for you, becoming a full demon is a goal, a victory.
Know yourself!
You will never know your real parents, as they will never have a corporeal form in this world. But because you have the gift of wearing a body, you should make them proud. There is only one thing worst than pathetic humans and that's pathetic demons. The ones who do not use their power as they are either too scared, either too brain-washed by society by the time they find out what they are.
They will suffer greatly as probably they will go the heaven but feel forever uneasy as, once there, surrounded by all that good, they will realize their true nature. Not that hell will make you feel any better, but it will give you a sense of being in place.
Nothing to worry about, torture in hell is only for humans, you already are a demon, your soul, whatever is still left of it, is already tormented. And for you, becoming a full demon is a goal, a victory.
Know yourself!
11/02/2008
Insomnia
Your dreams are just like you. Nightmares. Either you use some human invented product to lower your consciousness to a no-dream-zone, either you accept the fact sleep is never gona be one the nice things going on with you. Unlike most creatures you wil not be able to get your energy from sleep, way too tormented as it is. You will also never drea about past or present truths, altough it may seem sometimes that you dream of the future.
THe downside is, that while asleep and being a monster in your dreams also, you will not be able to cope with it, thus the torture of falling asleep. You are only starting to work way your way uo to the food chain. Your energy levels are low, because you do not have the needed indiference yet to take what you need, as often as you need it. Your weakness works in both ways. You are weak because you dont do what you are supposed to do. And because you dont do it, you are weak.
Sleeping in such a period may be the one thing that can really be painfull. It is the only time you actually feel the pain you cause. That sort of bijectivity will not last forever, but, if not ended soon, might trap you between your deeds and their effects. Not your actual deeds, you would be to weak to act on them, but on their plans.
Feed!
THe downside is, that while asleep and being a monster in your dreams also, you will not be able to cope with it, thus the torture of falling asleep. You are only starting to work way your way uo to the food chain. Your energy levels are low, because you do not have the needed indiference yet to take what you need, as often as you need it. Your weakness works in both ways. You are weak because you dont do what you are supposed to do. And because you dont do it, you are weak.
Sleeping in such a period may be the one thing that can really be painfull. It is the only time you actually feel the pain you cause. That sort of bijectivity will not last forever, but, if not ended soon, might trap you between your deeds and their effects. Not your actual deeds, you would be to weak to act on them, but on their plans.
Feed!
10/02/2008
Creation
Every monster has a weak spot. Just like Achilles, only a lot more obvious then a heel. A monster just as powerful will come along, and the taste of evil is stronger then the taste of innocence. The scent of the right monster for you is quite clear in your veins, and there is no worry about the fact that, eventually, the right monster will be found.
She will not see you at first, she will not notice you exist, because she does not see the monster, only the human flesh around you. She will not speak to you, as you may not be worthy of words, her words. Yet your breath will stop when you first see her. And all your being, all your evil will turn into something else, will turn into greatness. Monster or not, any being is better after they find their half.
Do not worry, your greatness does not mean you will stop being a monster, you will only evolve into something else, surpassing the physical need of acting like a monster. It's just like blood for a vampire. She will be all the blood you ever need.
You may even remember how to be human, A real human, not the perverted kind you are now. No fears, your evil will not go away, but your being will learn how to harness it. All the creative force that comes from all that evil will be on its own. There will be creation without the evil. There will only be creation.
Taste her!
She will not see you at first, she will not notice you exist, because she does not see the monster, only the human flesh around you. She will not speak to you, as you may not be worthy of words, her words. Yet your breath will stop when you first see her. And all your being, all your evil will turn into something else, will turn into greatness. Monster or not, any being is better after they find their half.
Do not worry, your greatness does not mean you will stop being a monster, you will only evolve into something else, surpassing the physical need of acting like a monster. It's just like blood for a vampire. She will be all the blood you ever need.
You may even remember how to be human, A real human, not the perverted kind you are now. No fears, your evil will not go away, but your being will learn how to harness it. All the creative force that comes from all that evil will be on its own. There will be creation without the evil. There will only be creation.
Taste her!
07/02/2008
Unidentified
Tell her that her name is Next. That you don't care what her real name is. You will not remember it anyway in a few days, so why give her the pleasure simple women find in the way a man says their name. She will shriek in disgust because you are so low as to actually tell her that in the first few minutes. But she will not be able to pull away.
It is too late anyway. She already had the tingling sensation of trying to save your poor soul from damnation. Little Mother Teresa as they all are, there's nothing more appealing than the monster. They do say they want a normal life near the man they love but they lie. They're just too hopelessly attracted to pure evil, and not the romantic-movie-bad-boy-version. Real monstrosity has the advantage that it is real. It is palpable, not made up or a mere act, they can actually feel its aura.
Just like honey to bear, actually more like the bear to the bee. They will fight with you while trying to bring you on the right track, but, not knowingly of course, they will slowly try to understand you, and find certain findings appealing and appropriate for their own lives. Either hurting or not they will escape you changed, not ever again the loving, caring person that they were before you came in.
Tell her her name is Next only because it will also be name of the girl that comes after her. Being that the distance between the two is too small for you to employ any interest in their actual persons, there is no use for names, other than yours. And tell her this is not a dream, it's a nightmare.
Come!
It is too late anyway. She already had the tingling sensation of trying to save your poor soul from damnation. Little Mother Teresa as they all are, there's nothing more appealing than the monster. They do say they want a normal life near the man they love but they lie. They're just too hopelessly attracted to pure evil, and not the romantic-movie-bad-boy-version. Real monstrosity has the advantage that it is real. It is palpable, not made up or a mere act, they can actually feel its aura.
Just like honey to bear, actually more like the bear to the bee. They will fight with you while trying to bring you on the right track, but, not knowingly of course, they will slowly try to understand you, and find certain findings appealing and appropriate for their own lives. Either hurting or not they will escape you changed, not ever again the loving, caring person that they were before you came in.
Tell her her name is Next only because it will also be name of the girl that comes after her. Being that the distance between the two is too small for you to employ any interest in their actual persons, there is no use for names, other than yours. And tell her this is not a dream, it's a nightmare.
Come!
06/02/2008
First kill
Find the first fairy. Once found, may she be perfect or slightly tainted by a past monster, react to her naivities by being yourself. Your real self. What they, the fairies, call The Jerk. Only one day and one night of using the mask are enough to have her lured. There will be no need for it anymore, as she will be perfectly capable to induce pain on her own. You just hav to be there and say something everyonce in while. She will not go away, or for that matter, give away, until the pain is unbearable.
Unfortunately you will for sure get bored before she cracks. Fairies do not understand pain, they take a lot of time to actualy hurt, even if they get some glimpses,or short bitter sensations in their mouth after hey’ve kissed you. In terms of mission eficiency it might come as a failure if you give up of boredom before the mission is over. It is not, it is actualy half done. Fairies left in the middle of the corruption process become addicted, not of the corruptor, but of the corruption. Happily, the armies of evil are larger by the minute, the fairy will be corrupted in the end, by some other monster, that she wil not ever be able to refuse.
How? Fairies have in their tiny good-doing heads the stupidest ideea. They think they can bring the monster on the right track. By trying to do so they corrupt themselves and give you a hand. Don’t think that yo can be lazy. That, you are not allowed. Even if the mission is doing well, without much effort, u will have to find the next mission soon. Why not prepare ahead?
Next!
Unfortunately you will for sure get bored before she cracks. Fairies do not understand pain, they take a lot of time to actualy hurt, even if they get some glimpses,or short bitter sensations in their mouth after hey’ve kissed you. In terms of mission eficiency it might come as a failure if you give up of boredom before the mission is over. It is not, it is actualy half done. Fairies left in the middle of the corruption process become addicted, not of the corruptor, but of the corruption. Happily, the armies of evil are larger by the minute, the fairy will be corrupted in the end, by some other monster, that she wil not ever be able to refuse.
How? Fairies have in their tiny good-doing heads the stupidest ideea. They think they can bring the monster on the right track. By trying to do so they corrupt themselves and give you a hand. Don’t think that yo can be lazy. That, you are not allowed. Even if the mission is doing well, without much effort, u will have to find the next mission soon. Why not prepare ahead?
Next!
04/02/2008
Corruption of the innocent
Where there's evil, good always sticks its tail. Every once in while you might feel tempted to leave the dark side for being just another human being. Nothing more stupid then that. Being normal will not make you feel beter, or feel for that matter. It will only keep you away from what you really are.
Temptations are out there. The fairies have a way of appealing to you, even if you might try to convince yourself that it's only about corrupting them. Human as you are, weaknesses are there. You shouldnt mistake the chance of corrupting a fairy with the chance of becoming normal. No two other things can be this opposite about the way it could go for you.
Fairies are the worst and, in the same time, the best challenge you are gonna get. While fighting not to slip, you will slowly turn them. Becoz they don't know that behind the mask lies a monster they will not protect themselves from becoming one. They are weak, spotless bright and shiny and ridiculously naive, which makes them a lot easier to push over the edge. A boring, experienced person is likely to become only a bit more boring. But an innocent turned to dispair will feed you during and after. Some very few might even join the ranks. The taste of innocence cannot be compared with anything else. Almost addictive, the sort of i-cant-get-enough-but-i-will-do-with-less addiction, turning innocence into dispair, pain or pure evil is, after all the reason you were put on this earth. It is your mission and there is nothing more perfectly unholy than this.
Hunt!
Temptations are out there. The fairies have a way of appealing to you, even if you might try to convince yourself that it's only about corrupting them. Human as you are, weaknesses are there. You shouldnt mistake the chance of corrupting a fairy with the chance of becoming normal. No two other things can be this opposite about the way it could go for you.
Fairies are the worst and, in the same time, the best challenge you are gonna get. While fighting not to slip, you will slowly turn them. Becoz they don't know that behind the mask lies a monster they will not protect themselves from becoming one. They are weak, spotless bright and shiny and ridiculously naive, which makes them a lot easier to push over the edge. A boring, experienced person is likely to become only a bit more boring. But an innocent turned to dispair will feed you during and after. Some very few might even join the ranks. The taste of innocence cannot be compared with anything else. Almost addictive, the sort of i-cant-get-enough-but-i-will-do-with-less addiction, turning innocence into dispair, pain or pure evil is, after all the reason you were put on this earth. It is your mission and there is nothing more perfectly unholy than this.
Hunt!
03/02/2008
Fallen. Lesser. Freak.
You are one of the fallen. Once an angel of, well, other angels. Fallen from being a seraphim to being just fallen. But then your greatness would not be yours but one from higher power who chose you to be a part of the greater evil. You are not only fallen, but lesser, from being, in the end, a human who was never ever been scared of the monsters in the closet. Becoz you knew they were real and that you are a lot more scarier then any of them.
In the old days you would have been an important part of evil. Your ancestors mixing with mere humans led to you, with so very few real magic left at your disposal. Once, your great fathers were the tools of creating armies of minions. Stealing and raping dreams. Havoc was easy. But the human race came out of the Dark Ages not defeating the evil but embracing it and turning it into something shallow and mundane. The elders would not be seen as more then disfunctional weird toys.
Freaks. Like you. And these is were your greatness comes. Be the heir of the dream catching race in your own human, petty, limited kind of way. Not that your limitation isn't a lot broader then of the most of the saps around. Be whatever you will turn into. Embrace your solace with grace, coz evil is a lot more goodlooking then good.
Do not despair. Your evil will come.
In the old days you would have been an important part of evil. Your ancestors mixing with mere humans led to you, with so very few real magic left at your disposal. Once, your great fathers were the tools of creating armies of minions. Stealing and raping dreams. Havoc was easy. But the human race came out of the Dark Ages not defeating the evil but embracing it and turning it into something shallow and mundane. The elders would not be seen as more then disfunctional weird toys.
Freaks. Like you. And these is were your greatness comes. Be the heir of the dream catching race in your own human, petty, limited kind of way. Not that your limitation isn't a lot broader then of the most of the saps around. Be whatever you will turn into. Embrace your solace with grace, coz evil is a lot more goodlooking then good.
Do not despair. Your evil will come.
Birth of a monster
Being alone makes you special or a freak. In both cases you might wanna consider being happy without relying on an extra pair of legs, eyes or brain hemispheres. Doing it on your own will, unfortunately, hurt like hell. But you deserve pain since either you are a freak, or you’re special. Second bad part, actually quite sucking, is that being a freak, or special, needs the comparison with some other people, done by some other people. None of which will be trustworthy. If you’re a freak there will be close to noone near you, and if you’re special you won’t actually give a crap about whatever they’re saying, because you’ll very probably be a self-centered ass. Which you will find totally cool, especially becoz every once in a while, or more, there will be a lot of people buying your self-centered crap, for the sole reason that they are too freaking normal, and you’re amongst the happy few who arent. Ok, amongst the few who aren’t. Leave the happy part to the normal I’m-just-a-drop-in-the-ocean boring and dreamless idiots out there.
So, without comparison your thinking you’re special will actually be based on its actual base. Yourself. Your alone self. Contantly checking your sleeve for more tricks. Coz some people might find you insanly funny, others will hate you but always give you the benefit of the doubt, and… no, the rest don’t matter. For being funny and popular is the easiest way to going through your life not ever trying to actually feel something. Not that you’re capable of feeling something. If you were, maybe it would have already happened. Oh, yes, I forgot, except being alone, and, therefore special, you are also a pathetic being who loves complaining about being alone, even though it should have become clear by now that IT IS YOUR OWN FAULT. Luckily you don’t explore that line of thinking too often, so your spirit and appreciative opinion about yourself stays intact, victorious over accidental shakes, of, lets’ say… shame. Which obviously you don’t’ have, for the simple fact that it’s totally useless, boring, and other bad stuff.
Alone, special and unbored. Unbored by yourself, everything else bores you to death, minus the occasional times you can prove that you’re special. What would you have done if there weren’t no work. You are brilliant, or you think you are, which makes you better at your job then most people. The reality doesn’t really matter, as long as you are in their brains, comanding the minions what to think and believe about you. Somewhat of a monster? Lets leave it at freak. Not that monster would be that bad. No feelings, no shame, no boredom equals a sick sort of happy, but it is, in the end, happy. In lack of pain, or rejoicing of it, and not giving a crap about anything, some of the time not even about yourself you’re bound to be a happy little monster, tormentor of the people stupid enough to come too close. You do not have anything to lose anymore, so life will go by a lot easier.
Alone, monstrous, yet happy, or at least content. Good recipe for not doing anything different for the rest of your life. In a way this might be a lot better then you think, coz it adds up to you actually finding out who the hell you are.
Welcome!
So, without comparison your thinking you’re special will actually be based on its actual base. Yourself. Your alone self. Contantly checking your sleeve for more tricks. Coz some people might find you insanly funny, others will hate you but always give you the benefit of the doubt, and… no, the rest don’t matter. For being funny and popular is the easiest way to going through your life not ever trying to actually feel something. Not that you’re capable of feeling something. If you were, maybe it would have already happened. Oh, yes, I forgot, except being alone, and, therefore special, you are also a pathetic being who loves complaining about being alone, even though it should have become clear by now that IT IS YOUR OWN FAULT. Luckily you don’t explore that line of thinking too often, so your spirit and appreciative opinion about yourself stays intact, victorious over accidental shakes, of, lets’ say… shame. Which obviously you don’t’ have, for the simple fact that it’s totally useless, boring, and other bad stuff.
Alone, special and unbored. Unbored by yourself, everything else bores you to death, minus the occasional times you can prove that you’re special. What would you have done if there weren’t no work. You are brilliant, or you think you are, which makes you better at your job then most people. The reality doesn’t really matter, as long as you are in their brains, comanding the minions what to think and believe about you. Somewhat of a monster? Lets leave it at freak. Not that monster would be that bad. No feelings, no shame, no boredom equals a sick sort of happy, but it is, in the end, happy. In lack of pain, or rejoicing of it, and not giving a crap about anything, some of the time not even about yourself you’re bound to be a happy little monster, tormentor of the people stupid enough to come too close. You do not have anything to lose anymore, so life will go by a lot easier.
Alone, monstrous, yet happy, or at least content. Good recipe for not doing anything different for the rest of your life. In a way this might be a lot better then you think, coz it adds up to you actually finding out who the hell you are.
Welcome!
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